Cavett Roberts, the founding president of the National Speakers Association once asked, “Whatever happened to the old wooden bucket?” It was the hallmark of an era. Songs were written about it. But the romance of the oaken bucket was short lived. It had no permanent franchise on existence.

The galvanized tin bucket replaced it. Although the tin bucket did not look so glamorous, it was lighter and cheaper. But even the tin bucket had no permanence; it was also replaced. The plastic bucket costs less and is lighter still. The bucket companies went out of business because they forgot something. They thought that they were selling buckets, when in reality they were selling containers for water. They lost sight of their purpose.

Wouldn’t you have thought that the railroads would have been owners of our airlines today? They, too, forgot something. They thought they were in the business of railroading, when in fact they were engaged in transportation.

Again, wouldn’t you have thought that the great motion picture companies would have become the owners of our broadcasting facilities? They didn’t. Again, why? The reason is that they considered themselves as being in the picture business, when in fact they were in the entertainment business.

We have a responsibility to analyze what business we are in—both personally and professionally.

Living is an art, and we have a responsibility to enjoy it.

An artist cannot be continually wielding the paintbrush. The painter must stop at times to freshen the vision of the object, the meaning of which the artist wishes to express on the canvas.

Living is also an art. We should not become so absorbed in its technical process that we lose our consciousness of its general plan. We should pause every so often in our brushwork to reflect and refresh our vision. Having done so, we will take ourselves back to our objective with clarified vision and renewed energy.

The aphorism to stop and smell the flowers renews life .  Taking a break from concentration on  project brings renewed vigor when returning to it.

Have you smiled recently? If not, perhaps it’s time for a break.

We have a moral responsibility to be happy.

We owe it to our wife, husband or partner; our fellow workers; our children; our friends—indeed to anyone who comes into our lives. If for no other reason, people act more decently when they are happy.

If we equate happiness with success, we will never achieve the amount of success necessary to make us happy. There is always more success than we can achieve. As long as what we do is JOYFUL and MEANINGFUL, happiness will ensue.

Neither is money the cause of happiness. Some unhappy poor people have the illusion that money will make them happy. (Unhappy rich people don’t even have that.)

Neither will fun bring happiness. Fun is temporary. Happiness is ongoing. Fun is during; happiness is during AND AFTER.

An awareness of what brings happiness requires a great deal of thought for many of us. It requires the discipline to overcome natural inclinations to do what is most pleasurable at the moment, rather than what is most happy-inducing.

In order to be happy, we have to ask ourselves, “Will this—having this thing, taking this action, relating to this person, purchasing this item, even dwelling on this thought—have me become happier or unhappier?”

Dissatisfaction is what makes personal improvement possible—whether it be better emotional ties to others, better personal ethics, or better personal health. Indeed, anything that becomes better does so as a result of previous dissatisfaction.

Cherish human dissatisfaction, but do not allow it to prompt unhappiness.

I try to be happy unless something happens that stimulates me to be unhappy. In this case, I will be unhappy until I decide to be happy.  This is based on my “choice-response” philosophy. I have a choice as to whether to allow dissatisfaction to direct my feelings. When my feelings are not what I would like them to be, I start thinking of something else—or I change my activity.

Cognition and emotions are so tightly interwoven physiologically that separating them is beyond our current scientific knowledge. However, our mind that directs our brain—rather than our emotions or our nature—should be the arbiter of our happiness.

Practice reflection, along with the other two principles of positivity and the empowerment of choice. Reflection prompts the most important source of happiness: gratitude. Grateful people are happy people—as we all should be during this holiday season.

QUESTION:|
I am returning to teaching after a 30-year absence and find that CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT is my biggest challenge. Typical high school behaviors I have experienced include LACK OF INTEREST, MANIPULATION, INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE, and DISREGARD FOR RULES.

I recently attempted to implement the Raise Responsibility System in my substitute teaching assignments and have experienced some degree of success. Students seem to be somewhat dumbfounded when I explain the behavior levels and start to quiet down and get busy soon after I begin the first phase of reinforcement—identifying the behavior level.

Since these subbing assignments provide so little time to implement and reap the benefits of this system, I would welcome any suggestions you might have for a substitute teacher.

RESPONSE:

Re: CLASSROOM MANAGEMENT – Most educators confuse classroom management with discipline. Management has to do with procedures. Teach your students procedures for EVERYTHING you want them to do: how you want materials passed out and collected, how you desire them to address you, etc. Also let them know your expectations. Don't assume they know what YOU expect.

Re: INTEREST – Let students know that if they decide not to learn, it is their decision. You will not even attempt to force learning; it can't be done. But you will not allow a student to disrupt another person's learning.

In this mini-lecture, let your students know that no one suffers from their lack of learning but themselves—that if they decide to put forth the effort, they will be better off, more satisfied, become more knowledgeable, and more pleased with themselves.

Emphasize that the choice to learn or not is theirs, not yours. (Don't be surprised that when you use this approach, more students will put forth effort. The reason is that you are using noncoercion and are prompting them to reflect and self-evaluate.)

From an instructional viewpoint, tap into their curiosity—a great motivator. Have them grapple with a problem/challenge about the lesson BEFORE you start teaching. After they're involved, then do your sharing.

Re: MANIPULATION – Revisit level C. Discuss external motivation. When people are manipulated, they become victims. A victor examines the effort to manipulate him/her and then chooses to follow or not. In contrast to Level C behavior, Level D behavior starts with the questions, "Will this help me become more responsible?" "Is it the right thing to do?" and "Will others benefit from my actions?"

Re: INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE – Discuss the words "appropriate" and "inappropriate." Pajamas are not worn to school, you no longer drink from a baby bottle, and you don't yell at your parents if you want them to do something for you. These are simply inappropriate behaviors. Similarly, when inappropriate language is used at school, it is an attempt to gain favor by showing off.

Everyone seeks, desires, and wants feelings of competency, importance, and wishes to be liked. Unfortunately, the immature person who uses inappropriate language is operating at level B – using inappropriate language because it will gain attention.  In essence, the person becomes a victim by allowing irresponsible thinking to direct behavior.

With this introduction, put the topic on the table for discussion. After this little reflection exercise, you will see dramatic improvements.

Re: RULES – Use the term "Responsibilities" instead of "Rules." Rules are expectations or procedures. If they are procedures, teach them—as mentioned above. Read the section on rules.

Until the 1960′s, school books were replete with vocabulary words like integrity, industry, work, perseverance, self-reliance, self-examination, honesty, character, and responsibility.

There was glorification of hard work and an emphasis on education and self-discipline.

Many of our founding fathers wrote down principles which directed their thoughts and actions. Among the best known of these people were Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson.

The vocabulary words noted above were the basis of many of the principles found in these people’s journals.

To the chagrin of many of us who want to retain high standards of civility, it is very common to hear expletives and formerly unacceptable four-letter words used in daily conversations.

Not long ago, I was talking with a group of students who brought up the topic of how a four-letter word was used so often in their conversations. I responded by saying, “Autonomous people don’t need to use such language.” We talked about the meaning of autonomous behavior—and the difference between it and behavior to conform to others. The next time I met with the students they reported that, since our last meeting, they had not heard the word used.

In a recent article entitled, “Teaching Your Children Responsibility,” the author stated the following:

This reasoning is very common: REWARDS ARE THE RESULT OF WORK.

HOWEVER, THIS THINKING IS MISDIRECTED. Employment is contract-based. A wage is compensation for services. Therefore, tying an allowance to work is misdirected. The purpose for giving an allowance is to generate an understanding of finance, budgeting, and to experience scarcity and wealth.

Let the youngster know that the reason for the allowance is to provide some spending money coupled with the experience of handling money.

Regarding chores: They are a natural result of living—be it with a family or by oneself. Performing chores is an aspect of performing a service. It is this “giving”—this service—that is the key to growth and a successful, happy life.

Young people deserve to have these basic understandings explained to them—both the purpose of allowances and the purpose of chores.

Most people plan for everything in their lives—except their lives.

As George Burns (who passed on at 99) oftentimes said, “If I had known I would live so long, I would have taken better care of myself.”

These thoughts were prompted by a family gathering at our home: the celebration of my mother-in-law’s 100th birthday.

A few months previously, the University of Southern California chapter of Phi Delta Kappa International (my home chapter) honored Emory Stoops, former national president and its first international president on the 100th anniversary of his birth. (Phi Delta Kappa is an educational association devoted to advancing research, service, and leadership in education. It publishes perhaps the most respected journal in the profession, “THE PHI DELTA KAPPAN.”

As Dr. Stoops easily walked to the podium and gave a lucid and articulate history of the association, we were delightfully amazed and very pleasantly surprised at his eloquence, and his physical, emotional, and psychological health. (Phi Delta Kappa International has just reissued the second edition of his book, ”PSYCHOLOGY OF SUCCESS – A Guidebook for Students and Educators.”)

So here is a thought: If you were going to celebrate the 100th anniversary of your birth, what would you do differently NOW to enjoy the upcoming event?

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Each time you coerce someone into doing something by using your power of authority, you deprive that person of an opportunity to become more responsible.

Learn a more effective approach at MarvinMarshall.com.

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Question-framing mobilizes your perceptions.

For example, if  you decide that you are going to buy a four-wheel drive vehicle, you probably ask the question, “Which one should I get?” You can be sure that the next time you are on the road, you will notice Jeeps, Explorers, and Range Rovers in record numbers. You will also start to see articles in the paper and advertisements featuring these types of vehicles, and you may even discover that some of your friends and acquaintances own one.

All these would have gone unnoticed if you hadn’t set your mind on four wheel drives.

The phenomenon of seeing what we expect or want to see is called mindset or mental set.

Our mental set functions all the time, consciously or nonconsciously. A limited mental set hampers solutions to challenges. As Abraham Maslow explained, “People who are only good with a hammer, see every problem as a nail.”

A critical key to problem solving is expanding your mindset by cultivating an open questioning approach. The questions that engage your thoughts influence the quality of your life. By cultivating an open questioning state of mind, you broaden your universe and improve your ability to travel through it. Examples of some questions as starters can be found at reflective questions.

It’s easy to talk about having an open mind, but frequently mindsets are constrained by prejudice and emotion. The discipline of opening one’s mind requires learning to separate feelings from perceptions. To make this distinction, ask yourself how you honestly feel about a problem. Ask, “Do I have any prejudices, ego attachments, fears, or limiting mental sets that are preventing me from assessing this problem accurately?”

Feelings play an intrinsic role in any problem-solving process. Intuition, hunches, and gut feelings can be our best allies, but unacknowledged feelings and repressed emotions cloud our inner wisdom.

Realizing that we have mental sets, that our feelings help shape them, and that our universe is restricted by them can be the first step in a more enlightening journey. We have a responsibility to be aware of our own mindsets.

"We have tried dozens of strategies to improve classroom discipline, all with limited or no success until we tried Dr. Marshall's program. I believe his program, "Discipline without Stress, Punishments, or Rewards," is the best hope public schools have in dealing with discipline issues. We are planning to implement his strategies in all eighteen of our schools."

Robert E. Beck, Ed.D., Associate Superintendent
Richmond County Schools, Hamlet, NC

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About the Book DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS PUNISHMENTS OR REWARDS
How Teachers and parents Promote Responsibility & Learning

A descriptive table of contents describing the approach, three selected sections, and additional items of interest are posted at: DisciplineWithoutStress.com
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More information is available at www.marvinmarshall.com