The following is from my soon to be released book, "parenting withoiut Stress: How to Raise Responsible Kids While Keeping a Life of Your Own." Punishments and rewards are two sides of the same motivational coin. Rewards ask, “What do they want me to do, and what will I get for doing it?”  Punishments ask, “What do they want … [Read more...]

After winning the Academy Award for best female actor, Helen Hunt was asked, "How do you know which scripts to choose?" Her response: "I always go with the one that scares me the most; it's the one with the greatest potential for growth." This is a valuable concept. As M. Scott Peck, M.D. emphaized through out  his classic book, "The Road Less Travelled," … [Read more...]

I had the pleasure of presenting two sessions at the annual conference of the National Middle School Association. The day after the first presentation, an attendee related the following to me: I used your approach on my daughter last night. She had  often picked on our cat in a rather mean way and was doing so again. I ASKED her if she was bullying the cat … [Read more...]

Kerry Weisner shared with me some information about Dr. Martin Brokenleg, a Native American who also promotes self-discipline. He uses high expectation from a Native American or a First Nation's perspective. Rather than coercive or manipulative approaches, Dr. Brokenleg advocates noncoercive influence: modeling, group influence, discussion, and positive … [Read more...]

Just as young children don't want to be carried while they are learning to walk, adolescents don't want adults making decisions for them. The only way we can learn to walk is to practice walking. Similarly, the only way to assist maturation for responsible behavior is to practice decision-making. Each time you make a decision for another person, you … [Read more...]

A mother of a young boy shared with me her frustration. One of her sons was constantly getting up from the table during dinner, thereby disrupting the environment she wanted to maintain during meal time. I suggested that she think of the EXACT OPPOSITE of what her son was doing. I then suggested that she put her son in charge of that responsibility. The … [Read more...]

QUESTION: I am a psychologist who wholeheartedly supports your approach and philosophy. I am also part of a local community visioning process. Our juvenile justice system is working to introduce a "Balanced and Restorative Justice" initiative, which is a wonderful concept that aligns beautifully with your system. However, they have been approached by … [Read more...]

The opening paragraph of my book deals with mindsets. It sets the stage for the entire book because my purpose is to influence young people to have mindsets where they WANT to be responsible and WANT to learn. The objective is to create visual images that drive behaviors. The following exercise (shared with me by Jack Canfield, coauthor with Mark Victor … [Read more...]

A photographer was taking the graduation picture in a large middle school. The girls positioned themselves in the front rows as directed—with the boys in the rear rows. To ensure that the boys acted on their best behavior, one of the teachers approached a group of boys who were just standing there and said, "Now boys, don't push the girls down the … [Read more...]

Discipline, truancy, and school dropouts are an increasing problem for schools and school districts. When I gave a keynote in Baltimore to personnel involved in this arena, I opened with a story from an experience Dr. William Glasser once told me he had encountered while working with incarcerated girls. INCIDENT: It was the girl's first day at the youth … [Read more...]